William Tell Parent Guide

It is the year 1307 and the Austrian empire, under the cruel King Albert (Ben Kingsley) rules Switzerland. The Austrians have always demanded taxes from their Swiss subjects, but the tax collectors are infamously brutal. When a farmer named Baumgarten (Sam Keeley) comes home to find his wife raped and murdered by the tax collector, he slaughters the man and runs for his life. With the Austrian army hot on his heels, Baumgarten flees across Lake Lucerne thanks to the help of William Tell (Claes Bang), an expert crossbowman trying to live a quiet life.

Crossing Switzerland to get Baumgarten to safety, Tell can see the discontent everywhere he goes. The local governor Gessler (Connor Swindells), a gratuitously cruel man, has big plans for Switzerland. But the Swiss don’t share his enthusiasm, and soon it’s apparent to Tell that he must make a choice between going back to war or trying hold on to his preferred quiet life.

There were parts of this movie that I almost enjoyed, but they were constantly overshadowed by relentless mediocrity and tonal shifts. Between bloated subplots that add nothing and a couple of really sloppy and unnecessary fight scenes, the film kept giving me reasons to leave the theater. Since I was one of only two people there, and the other guy left after the first hour and didn’t come back, I figured someone should stick it out. Plus, I don’t get paid if I leave early. I would almost have sacrificed my paycheck to avoid the heavy handed and completely pointless sequel-baiting at the end.

Speaking of which, the ending takes a few too many liberties with this story. I try to avoid spoiling movies, but since I don’t think you’re going to watch this one anyway, I’m going to give away the ending. After the entire movie builds up to the killing of Gessler in retribution for his brutality, Tell decides not to do the deed. Killing Gessler is a central element of the William Tell legend, and frankly the motivations the script gives for not killing him are nonsense. This is like adapting Beowulf and having him let Grendel off with a slap on the wrist instead of, you know, tearing his arm off with his bare hands. You can’t take the revenge out of an iconic revenge tale. It just doesn’t work that way. But you can do the next best thing: Take yourself out of the theater so you don’t have to watch it.