The Soccer Football Movie Parent Guide
Boring and almost incomprehensible, this movie is too scary for little ones and too tedious for adults.
Parent Movie Review
Four young soccer players (Kieran Walton, Madison Zamor, Tania Gunadi, Arnie Pantoja) have worked hard to save up enough money for tickets to an All-Star soccer extravaganza. even starting their own creature catching business. But right before the big game, soccer superstar Zlatan (playing himself) mysteriously mutates into a monster and loses his soccer talent. Could Weird Al (voiced by the real Weird Al) be behind this? Will Megan Rapinoe (playing herself) be able to help the kids defeat the monster soccer star? Is a whoopie cushion the key to defeat the mutant slugs?
Are you confused by that plot summary? So am I, and I just watched the movie. Have you ever asked a child to tell you about a dream they had? That’s what this movie is; an incoherent, rambling mess punctuated with fart jokes. I can explain it in one word: what?
Hollywood makes a lot of bad movies, but I can usually kind of see why certain scripts get greenlit, even if it’s just to maintain the rights to an intellectual property. But this is one of the few times where even I, as cynical as I am, am stumped. Is the writer the child of the head of the Illuminati? Did Weird Al sell his soul to the head of FIFA? Netflix sadly continues to give me only questions, but never answers. This is just a blatant Space Jam rip-off but with less famous athletes, no established characters, and sub-standard animation.
I spent most of the runtime trying to figure out who this movie is for. The overall plot is extremely juvenile, so you’d think it’s for kids, but it also depends on the audience knowing things about both Weird Al and soccer for the jokes to land. I don’t think little kids are aware of Weird Al, much less his proficiency on the accordion. The mutant monsters are also surprisingly scary, even scaring my usually stoic 6-year-old, so that’s another knock against the young audience.
Although almost completely lacking in negative content, this film also fails to have much positive content. There isn’t really any clear message or theme, aside from loving soccer, I guess. The only positive thing I can say is that Weird Al is obviously having fun, and I will never begrudge that man having a good time. The zany action and fart jokes might keep young children entertained, though they may be frightened by the monsters and body horror. I can’t say it’s offensively bad, as I did laugh a couple times, but it’s so incomprehensible and lazy that no adult will willingly chose to sit through it. I’d rather watch an actual soccer game; at least I’d be able to follow the action.Directed by Mitch Schauer. Starring Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Megan Rapinoe, Weird Al Yankovic. Running time: 73 minutes. Theatrical release November 9, 2022. Updated November 10, 2022
Watch the trailer for The Soccer Football Movie
The Soccer Football Movie
Rating & Content Info
Why is The Soccer Football Movie rated TV-Y7? The Soccer Football Movie is rated TV-Y7 by the MPAA
Violence: There is some mild cartoon violence. A man is hit in the face with a soccer ball. Mutant monsters attack people in humorous ways. Characters use smoke bombs as weapons. There are frightening scenes of body horror. Children might be frightened by monsters.
Sexual Content: None.
Alcohol / Drug Use: None.
Page last updated November 10, 2022
The Soccer Football Movie Parents' Guide
How does Zlatan feel after his talent is stolen? What does he do to regain his confidence? What are your talents? What do you do to develop them?
Loved this movie? Try these books…
Young readers who can’t get enough of soccer (football for the world outside North America) can read The Berenstain Bears’ We Love Soccer! by Mike Berenstein. Big laughs are sure to come for kids reading Dino-Soccer, written by Lisa Wheeler.
More fluent readers can move up to The Academy. Written by T.Z. Layton, this novel tells the story of a young boy who is invited to try out for an elite soccer school, designed to prep athletes for the Premier League. Martin Smith’s Charlie Fry series is a huge hit with middle school readers. Beginning with The Football Boy Wonder, it follows the adventures of a young soccer fan, whose physical limitations are transformed into freakishly good soccer talents. As he enjoys his new skills, he finds himself caught up in one adventure after another.
Hardcore soccer fans will obviously recognize Megan Rapinoe in the film. For more information, middle school readers can read One Life: Young Readers Edition by Ms. Rapinoe.
Related home video titles:
If it’s animated sports movies you’re after, you can try Surf’s Up with its cast of zany surfing penguins. Racing Stripes tells the story of a zebra who’s born to run. Racing, of the automotive variety, comes to the fore in Cars.