Your Fault: London Parent Guide

Stepsiblings Noah (Asha Banks) and Nick (Matthew Broome) have successfully kept their romantic relationship hidden from their parents, but when Noah leaves for Oxford and Nick assumes a larger role in the family company, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep the secret. As their lives get busier, the couple find it harder to communicate and keep their trust intact. Jealousies flare as new friendships form and old wounds resurface, challenging their relationship in ways they did not expect. 

I truly wish I was allowed to swear on this website, because I have some choice expletives in mind for this absolute dumpster fire of a film. I hated every single second of this ghastly waste of time and money that spits in the face of cinema as an art form. I cannot believe that anyone would willingly choose to subject themselves to this torture, and I am deeply concerned about the mental state of the people involved in creating it. 

Noah and Nick are shallow, petulant, spoiled children who do not have any redeeming qualities. I’m sorry, but I do not care about the interpersonal drama of people who live in mansions, get sports cars for their birthday, and have daddy pay their Oxford tuition. These are people who choose to be miserable and frankly they deserve it. As a couple, they are toxic beyond belief. Nick is controlling and Noah has zero self-respect. Not once do either of them express any reason for loving the other aside from physical attraction. I don’t think they’ve ever had a real conversation but based on their characterization they might not be capable of that in the first place. You need a personality and a functioning brain to actually converse with someone. 

Noah and Nick are in good company because everyone around them is just as unlikeable. I think this production singlehandedly set feminism back about 20 years. Every female character is either a two-faced backstabber or a doormat who willingly allows men to treat her badly. The women even comment to each other about how awful their boyfriends are - but they don’t do anything about it. They seem to accept that bad boyfriends are an unalterable reality and it’s too bad they have no agency of their own. 

Aside from the horrible writing and unlikable characters, there is absolutely no reason for Your Fault: London to be two agonizing hours long. About 50% of the runtime is pointless filler, with long shots of people partying, or attending corporate meetings, or driving around without speaking. I’ve seen screensavers with more of a purpose than half of this film. I am angry at how much of my life was wasted on this horrible excuse for entertainment, but you don’t have to subject yourself to this misery. You can choose to do more enjoyable things like filing taxes, shampooing an angry cat, or watching grass grow. Anything is better than this.