Violent Night Parent Guide

The Lightstone family aren’t having an “average” Christmas. The family matriarch, cutthroat businesswoman Gertrude (Beverly D’Angelo), is throwing her usual extravagant party, complete with catering staff. Her son Jason (Alex Hassell) has brought his wife Linda (Alexis Louder) – despite the marital troubles exacerbated by Gertrude - and their daughter, Trudy (Leah Brady). Then, of course, there’s Jason’s thoroughly unpleasant sister Alva (Edi Patterson) and her husband du jour, aspiring actor Morgan Steele (Cam Gigandet), plus Alva’s wannabe influencer son, Bert (Alexander Elliot).

Given this motley crew, holiday spirit is in short supply – outside of the wet bar, that is – but the party deteriorates rapidly. A clever criminal going by the name of Mr. Scrooge (John Leguizamo) has enlisted a gang of ruthless killers to rob the Lightstone estate over the holidays. He didn’t count on one thing: Santa (David Harbour). And Santa’s already got a lot more on his plate than cookies and candy this year. Apart from the armed murderers waiting along his route, he’s beginning to wonder if this jolly old elf stuff is really for him after all. It’s not as if he was always Santa Claus– and he wasn’t particularly jolly before he donned the red suit and hat.

This is, potentially, my new favorite Christmas movie. I’m so tired of seeing spoiled kids whine their merry way through the season, harassing their family and driving everyone crazy until Saint Nick shows up to save the day with a healthy heaping of consumerism. Violent Night is definitely not that. This time, the naughty boys and girls get a grisly comeuppance, and it’s really filled my Grinch-y little heart with some much-needed holiday spirit – although probably not the kind most people are looking for.

Admittedly, this isn’t your regular Santa. He isn’t long on holiday spirit either – unless it comes from a bottle. He seems to spend most of his time mooching liquor from people’s houses and vomiting on their roofs. (It’s not model behaviour, but to be honest, if you spent 1100 years doing the same job, it’d wear you down too.) Thankfully, he gets a lovely diversion: The opportunity to save one truly good child by committing a whole bunch of graphic murders. This is apparently acceptable since a) the killings are all done in self-defense and b) the victims are already on the naughty list. So, when Santa, for example, stabs one of the bad guys in the eye with a tree topper and plugs it in, causing our would-be-burglar’s head to catch fire, that’s apparently OK. I’m also a big fan of Trudy’s little Home Alone-style adventures, since she gets a fine opportunity to set up some booby traps that would make both Kevin McAllister and the Viet Cong jealous. It just gets me in the mood to wrap some gifts and sit by the tree. (Your mileage might differ here and I won’t be surprised if nausea or nightmares are the way you roll.)

As you might have guessed, this is hardly family holiday fare. It’s more Die Hard than Home Alone, and there are dozens of graphic shootings, stabbings, bludgeonings, and a few complete dismemberments to go with a steady stream of profanity and copious consumption of alcohol. This isn’t for kids, but for the Grinch in your life, you could try Violent Night. I even caught myself whistling Christmas carols on my way out of the theatre, if you can believe it. I’m not sure I can, honestly, and I was there.