Vampires Suck Parent Guide

Parent Movie Review
by Kerry Bennett

Since the book release in 2005, Twilight has had a polarizing effect on the general public despite spending over 91 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller List. The first film debuted in 2008 in sold out theaters and grossed over $392 million worldwide. But not everyone bought into the craze. So considering the phenomenal success of the Twilight franchise, it is amazing it has taken the writing team of Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg this long to lampoon the vampire trilogy for the sake of those who dislike the glittery image of Edward. What recent film series is riper for the ribbing?

Jenn Proske plays the brooding and angst-ridden Becca Crane with the same stammering, incomplete sentences and constant hair tucking that the Belle Swan character has become known for. The other cast members, Matt Lanter as Edward Sullen, Diedrich Bader as Becca’s father Frank and Chris Riggi as the shirt-sluffing Jacob, recreate their more famous counterparts with a certain amount of comedic precision. And the script doesn’t miss the opportunity to poke fun at some of the more unexplainable points of the original story. Why, in fact, does the morose new girl at school attract so much attention from not one but two boys?

Unfortunately the scriptwriters, best known for the crass humor in Date Movie, Scary Movie, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans, let the real possibilities of this parody slip through their fingers. Rather than penning an original storyline that could stand on its own while taking jabs at the series, they randomly pluck lines and scenes from the trilogy and slap them together with excessive, farcical violence. The scenes portray characters being beheaded, impaled with a pitchfork, hit with a shovel and pierced in the head with a spiked bat. Unending crude sexual innuendos and comments are also included, along with some male buttock nudity and inappropriate comments from a father to his daughter.

Using up all their good gags and one-liners in the first 40 minutes, the plot lags during the final act as Becca strives to stop Edward from exposing himself (literally) to the evil leaders of the vampire underground (Mike Mayhall, Ken Jeong, Bradley Dodds) and the entire crowd at her high school prom. But by that point in the movie, any reason to engage in this overwrought attempt to mock the undead has long been sucked dry.

Directed by Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer. Starring Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Diedrich Bader, Chris Riggi. Running time: 82 minutes. Theatrical release August 18, 2010. Updated July 17, 2017

About author

Kerry Bennett

Kerry Bennett is interested in media from both a journalist and parent perspective. Along with authoring articles for several family-oriented publications, she has written for Parent Previews for over 15 years. As a parent herself, she believes parents play a powerful role in teaching media literacy in their homes.

Vampires Suck
Rating & Content Info

Why is Vampires Suck rated PG-13? Vampires Suck is rated PG-13 by the MPAA for crude sexual content, comic violence, language and teen partying.

Violence: Characters are frequently hit with objects or subjected to bodily injury during depictions of comedic violence. During a girls’ fight characters are smacked with shovels, wooden planks and other heavy items. One girl is impaled with a pitchfork. Another is attacked and bitten. Two male characters—one in a wheelchair—engage in an exaggerated and brutal fistfight. A boy is hit with a car door. Students throw things at a girl in school, slap her, knock her down, and kick her. A baby is smashed by a bowling ball. One character has his nose severely pushed out of place during a fight. A boy is hit by a car and sustains graphic injuries on his neck and arm. A man is shot with mace, kicked in the groin and has his mustache ripped off. Spurting blood is depicted on a couple of occasions. Scenes of dismemberment and other graphic depictions of injury are shown. A female character repeatedly stabs another girl. Characters engage in dangerous activities. A female character is shot.

Sexual Content: Sexual innuendo is rampant throughout the script. Several crude comments are made about engaging in sexual activity. Anatomical and crude names for male sexual organs are used nearly a half dozen times. A life size sex toy is shown and discussed on two occasions. A father makes an inappropriate comment about his daughter’s breasts. Gay characters are mocked. Two men kiss. A teen couple kisses passionately on a bed. A girl strips down to reveal suggestive sexual attire. One scene portrays sexual sounds. A boy exposes himself to a large crowd: Private body parts are covered in one scene, while male buttock nudity is later included. One character wears a revealing top and another repeatedly removes his shirt.

Language: The script contains one sexual expletive used in a non-sexual context, along with one crude hand gesture. Over two-dozen scatological slangs and curses are heard as well as half a dozen terms of Deity. Other vulgar expressions, derogatory sexual references and ethno-cultural slurs occur more than a dozen times.

Alcohol/Drug Use: Teens are seen driving to their prom with a bottle of alcohol. Adult characters drink from beer cans. Other infrequent portrayals of drinking are shown. Brief references to illegal drugs are made, including use by teens. Characters drink blood from champagne glasses.

Other: A teenage character is treated like an infant. Characters exhibit flatulence. Fingers are served as food.

Page last updated July 17, 2017