A Real Pain Parent Guide

It’s been six months since their grandmother’s death, and cousins David and Benji (Jesse Eisenberg and Kieran Culkin) are embarking on a trip to Poland. Close as boys, the two have drifted apart as David’s career and young family require more of his time. But now, as they head for their grandmother’s homeland, they will have plenty of time to reconnect.

This trip isn’t a wine-and-dine European vacation. Acting on their late grandmother’s wishes, David signed up for a Jewish history tour. A tour guide will lead the six-people group as they explore the deep roots of the Jewish community in Poland, learn about Jewish culture, and develop a deeper understanding of the Holocaust that their grandmother barely survived.

David and Benji might have grown up together, but they have diametrically opposite personalities. David is careful and conscientious, a family man with a boring but lucrative career. Benji is volatile, a disconcerting mixture of charm and poor judgment. As the emotional triggers of the tour hit the stress points in the men’s psyches and their relationship, it’s unclear if the trip will be beneficial or destructive…

When a film’s producer, director, and star are the same person (i.e. Jesse Eisenberg), the obvious question pops to mind: Is this a passion project or a vanity film? I am pleased to report that this isn’t a vanity production – in fact, the more interesting role goes to Kieran Culkin. A Real Pain is clearly a passion project on Jesse Eisenberg’s part: it’s a tribute to his ancestors and to Jewish resilience and survival. In fact, many of the stories in the script come from the family histories of Jesse Eisenberg or his wife. Poignantly, the house used as David and Benji’s grandmother’s last home in Poland, was also the residence of the Eisenberg family prior to 1939.

The movie’s historical roots give it warmth and solidity and the strong performances by Eisenberg and Culkin provide believable emotion. But the film also comes with some significant weaknesses. The first is the poorly developed secondary characters. I always appreciate a tightly-written script, but an additional 15 minutes could have rounded out some of the other tour participants in ways that would have broadened the film’s impact. In particular, Eloge (Kurt Egyiawan) is a survivor of the 1994 Rwandan genocide and a Jewish convert. His few lines of dialogue are insightful and I would have appreciated more.

That omission in the film is annoying, but the movie’s negative content is a bigger problem. The script contains over six dozen sexual expletives and, in total, runs more than one cuss word per minute. Benji seems incapable of opening his mouth without a swear word coming out and he’s also responsible for the movie’s marijuana use – particularly problematic since it’s illegal in Poland. The Restricted rating is fair and this isn’t a film that should be shown to young viewers.

The negative content isn’t the biggest deterrent for youngsters: that’s the movie’s focus on pain. There’s the pain of the past, always in the background. There’s intergenerational trauma, the loss and alternative lives that could have been lived and relatives who could have been loved without the war and mass death. And there’s the pain that comes with life and choices and personality conflicts. Yet somehow this film’s message is one of hope. Whether or not you want to deal with all the pain (and profanity) to get to that message is up to you.