The Misfits Parent Guide

Richard Pace (Pierce Brosnan) is a master thief and brilliant escape artist, having broken out of at least four prisons. Unusually for a man wanted on major federal charges, Pace has just had a job offer. A group known as “The Misfits”, comprised of a dubious Middle Eastern prince (Rami Jaber), an explosives expert (Mike d’Angelo), a martial arts whiz (Jamie Chung), and a master of disguise (Nick Cannon), needs his expertise to steal a large amount of gold earmarked for funding terrorism. The challenge? The gold is being securely held in a prison in Abu Dhabi. Private prison magnate Schultz (who also owns the target prison and is played by Tim Roth) would prefer that the gold remain in his facility permanently – along with Pace. But if Pace and the Misfits work together, there’s a chance they might be able to get away with the gold, stop the terrorists, and stay out of jail…

Does that plot sound faintly insane to you? It sure did to me. I’m not sure which brainiac at the studio decided that this was a good use of Pierce Brosnan and Tim Roth, but they were tragically mistaken. Or perhaps the loony plot reflects a lack of coordination between the five production companies that put together this piece of unsatisfactory cinema. I wouldn’t care to guess which. This story is, on many levels, completely absurd.

Not that absurdity is any detriment to a good heist movie, but the writing must be funny enough to compensate for the weaknesses in the story. The only way this screenplay is funny is in a vaguely depressing way, in that there are talented authors who can’t get published while this script somehow scored a movie adaptation. The dialogue is either straight out of a stale-dated can of heist movie cliches, or else aggravating and unclear. The mix of the two is not enjoyable.

You’d think that something this unpleasant has to be good for you in some sense, like regular dental visits or dietary fiber, but it isn’t. While there’s far less profanity, sex, and violence than they could have got away with in an R-rated film, there’s probably more than your average five-year-old should be exposed to, and anyone older than that is going to tear their hair out within the first twenty minutes.

The Misfits certainly lives up to it’s name, in that it doesn’t fit any of the requirements of a good film. If I watched this on an airplane, I’d expect a partial refund on the ticket. It’s vapid, clichéd, and absolutely pointless. There are better ways to spend 94 minutes of your life. For example, you could stare blankly at a wall, or maybe try and count the fibers in your carpet. If all else fails, you could try reading a book. I’ve heard those can be pretty good.