Playmobil: The Movie Parent Guide

At Parent Previews, we have a built-in bias against movies that are designed to sell toys to kids. We occasionally suspend our disapproval if a movie’s messages are so positive that they compensate for the commercial subtext (see The Lego Movie). But Playmobil: The Movie is not one of those movies. It is a non-stop commercial for Playmobil toys and no one should have to pay to watch a commercial. At least on TV the commercials are free.

Playmobil: The Movie sets out to be a madcap musical comic adventure story for kids but it has clearly bitten off more than it can chew. The comedy fails: even the kids in the theater didn’t laugh as the jokes landed like bags of wet cement. And the music doesn’t soar. None of the songs were memorable and they didn’t integrate smoothly into the script. Instead of having the songs carry the story or enrich the characters, it simply feels weird to have the characters break into a song and dance number at the beginning of the film – especially when it doesn’t happen again. As for the adventure, there’s lots of that, but you should be warned that it’s composed of non-stop violent set pieces. Thankfully, the bulk of the action involves Playmobil action figures who don’t bleed and whose severed limbs can be easily reattached. But there is still too much violence for younger kids, and I can’t recommend this film for pre-schoolers or early elementary school aged kids.

The story is based on orphaned siblings Marla and Charlie whose thirst for adventure has been derailed by tragedy. For four years, teenaged Marla has raised her brother since the police appeared at their door one night to tell them their parents had died in an accident. Now a rebellious Charlie has snuck out of the house at night. Marla tracks him down, but the pair are caught in the beam of a magic lighthouse and transported to a world populated by Playmobil toys. While they are recovering from the shock of being turned into plastic action figures, Charlie is kidnapped and Marla goes to the rescue. Thus begin multiple scenes of action and intense peril including kids being chased by a Tyrannosaurus Rex, implied gladiatorial combat, Vikings attacking a village, multiple chase scenes, pirates locking characters in cages, aliens knocking people out, and a particularly disturbing scene where a character is threatened with torture in a dental chair (as if going to the dentist didn’t scare enough kids already…). This script might do a great job of highlighting Playmobil’s play sets, but it is far less effective in creating a movie kids are going to love. There was enough action to keep my own boys watching, but they weren’t able to explain the story to me afterwards. As for adults, this is the kind of movie that has you longing for your phone or blissful unconsciousness.

The messages in this cinematic advertorial don’t make up for its desperate desire to sell toys. The main theme of the movie seems to be that kids should be bold and seize adventure (and buy our toys now!). Other themes include the importance of loyalty and friendship and the pain of betrayal (but get your parents to buy our toys now!). If your family are already into the Playmobil universe, this flick could be a lot of fun. But if you’re not, I can’t think of any reason to subject yourself and your kids to 99 chaotic minutes of “buy our toys now!”