Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Parent Guide

One of Disney’s best moneymakers, Pirates of the Caribbean returns with many of its original cast and characters. Subtitled, Dead Men Tell No Tales, a phrase inspired by the Disneyland ride upon which the franchise is based, the film follows Henry (Brenton Thwaites), the son of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley).

Will is still imprisoned in the depths of the ocean on the Flying Dutchman. However, through careful study of the myths and legends of the sea, Henry has discovered a way he can break the curse that binds his father to the sunken ship. He needs to find the Trident of Poseidon.

Enlisting on a British ship so he can search the ocean, Henry finds himself in hot water when he oversteps his rank and tells his naval captain that he is making a wrong turn. The unheeded warning places the whole crew in the path of a ghost ship full of unkillable and unlikable buccaneers under the command of Salazar (Javier Bardem). Dispatching the sailors, save Henry, the decaying captain asks the lone survivor to pass a message onto the infamous pirate Jack Sparrow.

This request, plus his main quest, gets a little bogged down at first thanks to a charge of treason and some prison time. Yet as luck (and plot manipulation) would have it, this unplanned detour eventually leads Henry to Jack. It also has him cross paths with the lovely Carina Smythe, a young woman sentenced to death for witchcraft because of her scientific knowledge of Astronomy and Horology. (That latter term is used repeatedly to wring grade-school laughter out of this often-soggy script.)

With help from Jack’s motley band of men the trio manages to break free and set sail on the drunken pirate’s pathetic ship. Using Carina’s knowledge of the stars, they feel confident the trident can be found. All they must do to get the prize is outrun the British fleet and the immortal Salazar’s plans for vengeance.

Unfortunately, the real treasures lost in this picture are characters we care about and a story we can dig into. The opening scene between Will and Henry (played by a Lewis McGowan) is touching and charts a promising course for the script. And a few messages about the importance of family as appreciated. But once Johnny Depp’s inebriated Captain Sparrow hits the screen, the swaggering swashbuckler becomes an obsessive distraction for the directors.

While many of the characters in this film are “undead” CGI depictions, some are supposed to be flesh and blood human beings. Both are indiscriminately used as cannon fodder, shot and blown up on screen in highly violent scenes with video-game-like gore. Adults may know the bountiful skewered specters and pierced pirates are fake, but that may not be the case for young children. One particularly gratuitous scene depicts the random slaying of many “living” crewmembers (fortunately, not seen in detail), ordered by the egotistical whim of a ghostly scallywag.

Alternating between blasting battles and prattling pirates, the production feels like everyone on board is so busy rigging up the next effects laden conflict that they’ve nearly forgotten about that trident thingy. Yes, there are a few funny moments and a big bank robbery scene is ridiculously engaging. However, if this franchise has any hopes of not joining those who are lost at sea it had best get its booty in gear for the obvious next episode. (Yeah, that means you should stay put in your seat until the very end of the credits.)

About author

Rod Gustafson

Rod Gustafson has worked in various media industries since 1977. He founded Parent Previews in 1993, and today continues to write and broadcast the reviews in newspapers, on radio and (of course) on the Internet. His efforts also include writing and researching media in all its forms and observing how it effects society and culture. He and his wife Donna have four children.