Morbius Parent Guide

Born with a rare and terminal blood borne disease, Michael Morbius (Charlie Shotwell, played in adulthood by Jared Leto) grows up in a Greek orphanage, receiving three dialysis sessions a day. Thankfully, he has a friend in the bed next to him: Milo (Joseph Esson, later played by Matt Smith). Although Michael is offered an opportunity to attend an exclusive New York school, he and Milo stay close friends – so much so that, as adults, Milo becomes the primary financial source for Michael’s private medical clinic, devoted to treating and finding a cure for their shared condition. And that cure may be closer than ever: Michael has managed to synthesize elements of bat and human DNA, but the effects are…strange. After turning into a super-human batlike creature and murdering a number of people in a blind rage, Michael Morbius finds himself with a constant craving for human blood. Thankfully, his previous work helped him develop an artificial blood substitute…but the artificial blood can’t stop his cravings forever.

When our “hero” isn’t busy guzzling down bags of artificial blood or O-negative like it’s a Capri-Sun, he mostly just broods about, wearing lots of black and looking like he watched the Matrix one too many times. Jared Leto, apparently unsatisfied with stinking up his role as The Joker in Suicide Squad, has decided to stink up Marvel movies too. He’s not particularly compelling as a character either, mostly because everything in this movie is a complete rehash of other characters. Venom already did the man-vs-murderous instinct thing, Doctor Strange did the superpowered doctor trying to cure his own condition, and both of them managed to be entertaining, which is more than can be said for Morbius.

If you’re sitting there thinking “I don’t care about the plot, I’m just watching it for the action,” don’t. The filmmakers have, for reasons completely lost on me, added a bizarre smoke effect to Morbius’ movement and attacks. Not only does it look cheap, it makes the action sequences a confusing, dusty mess. In all fairness, the action sequences were an unoriginal collection of mistakes to begin with, but the effect doesn’t help. The only times I could tell what was going on on-screen was when the director, helpfully, freeze-framed on a particular piece of the action. The problem here is, first, this slows down the fight scenes and, second, that all of the frames he picked look phenomenally stupid.

Even if you don’t find these warnings off-putting, you should note that Morbius is a poor choice for young viewers. The movie is dark – all the more surprising when you bear in mind that Morbius is originally a Spider-Man character. Apart from the fact that the hero of the film does brutally murder about half a dozen people, the premise relies on him chugging blood. Not a great move for family entertainment.

Coming right on the heels of Spider-Man: No Way Home, one of the best superhero movies of the last ten years, Morbius really suffers from the comparison. Where Spider-Man had charm and humor and moral complexity, Morbius just has…vampires? Kind of? I guess? I can’t think of a compelling reason to give Marvel even more of your money if all you get in return is 90 minutes of sloppy action and irritating characters. I’d say you couldn’t pay me to watch it, but apparently, I’ll watch anything for money.