Halloween Kills Parent Guide

Haddonfield, Illinois: a town where nothing ever happens – except, of course, the occasional mass slaughter of the locals by masked maniac Michael Myers. Immediately following his trail of carnage on Halloween night, 2018, survivor Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) thought they had finally killed the monster by burning him alive in her basement. Myers had other plans -plans which involved butchering what appears to be half of the fire department and tearing off across town to continue his spree. But Laurie Strode isn’t the only survivor with a bone to pick: Tommy Doyle (Anthony Michael Hall), the boy Laurie babysat during Myers’ original 1978 attacks, would like to give the murderer what’s coming to him. The real question is, how many residents of Haddonfield are going to die before they can have their revenge?

The Halloween franchise is not famed for either subtlety or clever writing. Essentially, the point of the movies is to watch a quasi-invulnerable masked lunatic carve his way through a considerable swathe of the population. In that regard, the film is highly successful. The murders are remarkably creative, apart from the usual stabbings. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone stabbed through the throat with a broken fluorescent light, but there’s a first time for everything.

On the other hand, the dialogue is excessively terrible. Characters keep dropping lines that are clearly intended to be dramatic one-liners, but mostly just sound wooden and awkward. And then, were that not enough, they tend to repeat them. Now, there is some comfort in the knowledge that some of these characters are going to get slaughtered, but usually not soon enough to stop the cringe-inducing dialogue.

Of course, this is not a children’s film, but for a slasher I was surprised. Generally speaking, the best way to get murdered in a slasher movie is to be a teenager trying to get drunk and have sex. Not so here! No teen drinking and no sex whatsoever make this an unusual entry in the genre. Now, that’s not to say this is somehow family friendly. The level of carnage throughout makes this unsuitable, not just for younger audiences, but for the queasy among us. If the idea of watching someone’s eyes being gouged out makes your stomach rise, then you’re probably best off staying home and watching something less gruesome. Just remember to lock your doors – you never know who’s out there.