Ghosted Parent Guide

Cole (Chris Evans) is feeling lost in life. He put his dreams on hold to help his aging parents with their farm and can’t seem to keep a girlfriend because of his clingy tendencies. One day he meets Sadie (Ana de Armas) and falls head over heels for her. After an amazing day together, Cole thinks he’s falling in love, but Sadie hasn’t answered any of his texts. Thinking it’s time for something dramatic, Cole flies to London to surprise Sadie with a big romantic gesture, but quickly finds out that Sadie is actually a spy for the CIA, and he just landed right in the middle of one of her missions.

If you ask any expert to identify what ails contemporary Hollywood movies, you’ll get some insightful answers about sequels and extended universes or the continued lack of diverse voices. If you ask me, the biggest problem in Hollywood right now is bad wigs. Wigs have existed for thousands of years, yet somehow billion-dollar studios with multimillion dollar production budgets can’t seem to purchase decent wigs. If a small town drag queen making minimum wage can have a realistic looking wig, I don’t understand why Ana de Armas can’t. Or Scarlett Johansson. Or any other actor. I spent the last 116 minutes staring at de Armas’ hairline wondering how someone didn’t get fired for doing such bad work. I’ve decided to switch careers from film critic to wig critic and I ask that you all support me in this trying time.

I wish I could say the mop on de Armas’ head was the only bad thing about this movie, but alas it is not. The first act is actually pretty good, with the two characters meeting and learning about each other and then there’s the fun twist about Sadie being a spy. After that everything falls apart. The writers failed to choose a consistent tone which results in an incoherent mess of a script. There’s good stuff in there, like some well-placed celebrity cameos, but the plot can’t seem to find its footing once the basic premise is established. Partially as a result of this wheel-spinning, the film is a good half hour or so too long. There’s a great action scene right around the 90-minute mark that could have easily been the third act climax, but I guess we needed some more convoluted spy shenanigans instead.

Aside from the inconsistent and bloated writing, there are also some content concerns worth noting. The film sits solidly within the PG-13 spy thriller range with lots of action and fighting, but no blood. There’s also a fair amount of swearing and some mild sexual content. Although Armas and Evans are both extremely charming and have great chemistry, they aren’t enough to save this forgettable, overlong slog. This is a movie I wish I had ghosted.