You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah Parent Guide

Stacy is obsessed with her upcoming bat mitzvah, when she will read the Torah at her local synagogue and be recognized as an adult. “Bat mitzvah,” she says, “is the first day of your adult life and everyone knows an iconic adult life hinges on how it starts.” This is not, however, a moral/ethical statement: it represents Stacy’s complete and total obsession with the party after the ceremony.

Stacy and her best friend Lydia (Samantha Lorraine) have been planning their bat mitzvah celebrations for years – expensive gowns, professional DJs, entrance videos, elaborate decorations, catered food, etc. Stacy’s current dream involves a private yacht and celebrity guest – until her parents (Adam Sandler and Idina Menzel) point out that cashing her college fund is not an option. Frustrated by her parents’ intransigence, the 12-year-old focuses instead on the cute boy in her class – and undercuts her lifelong friendship with Lydia. Can Stacy prepare for her bat mitzvah, straighten out her priorities, and fix her most important relationships? Of course she can, but it’s going to be a rocky road getting there.

As far as tween dramas go, there’s nothing surprising in this movie, but there are some definite bright spots. It’s always good to see a movie with empathetic parents who provide common sense advice, firm boundaries, and sensible consequences. Stacy’s parents don’t always know what’s going on in her life, but they always care. More remarkably, her older sister, Ronnie (Sadie Sandler), despite occasional bickering, is a kind and supportive person in Stacy’s life. Having a solid family on screen is always a pleasant surprise. The family’s Jewish identity is also treated with humor and respect and provides diversity with a light touch.

On the downside, the movie’s cringe factor reaches nuclear levels with Stacy doing some truly awful things that made me want to stop watching and eat chocolate to cope with the stress. She’s often a profoundly unlikeable protagonist and that takes some of the fun out of the film. Fortunately, Sunny Sandler and Samantha Lorraine are both fine actresses and their relationship with its history and hurts is strong enough to keep audiences watching. Andy Goldfarb, however, as the tween heart throb who gets in between the girls, is terribly flat on screen and has the emotional range of a goldfish. I hate picking on a child actor, but there are adults who bear the responsibility for casting him and then not providing the support he needs to shine on the screen.

If you’re considering this film for family viewing, you can be assured that negative content is limited to some profanity, a bit of kissing, and a brief moment of teenagers drinking alcohol at a supervised party. On the plus side, the movie imparts strong messages about loyalty, self-assessment, accountability, friendship, sacrifice, community, and the power of family connections and religious identity. Yes, it’s a silly movie, but it has plenty to say.