My Spy: The Eternal City parents guide

My Spy: The Eternal City Parent Guide

This film is terrible from every conceivable perspective. Don't waste any of your precious life on it.

Overall D

Prime Video: A CIA agent accompanies his stepdaughter on a high school choir trip to Italy, only to become entangled in a plot to blow up the Vatican.

Release date July 18, 2024

Violence B-
Sexual Content B
Profanity C-
Substance Use C

Why is My Spy: The Eternal City rated PG-13? The MPAA rated My Spy: The Eternal City PG-13 for violence/action, some strong language, suggestive references, teen drinking, and a nude sculpture.

Run Time: 112 minutes

Parent Movie Review

JJ (Dave Bautista) has settled into his new role as a family man with a desk job, a far cry from his time as a CIA operative, though he still regularly trains his stepdaughter, Sophie (Chloe Coleman), in all the skills a future spy might need. When Sophie’s high school choir travels to Italy, JJ signs up to be a chaperone so he can spend more time with her. But once his boss’s son is kidnapped, JJ realizes that there is more to this trip than meets the eye – and only he and Sophie will be able to save the young man.

I have not seen the preceding film, 2020’s My Spy, and I am eternally grateful for that. I also wish I hadn’t seen this one, but fate’s cruel hand had other plans for my Thursday evening. Sometimes I fear that this job has ruined my internal scale for movie quality: I see so many bad ones that I can justify middling ones because I’ve seen so much worse. However, this film put those worries to rest as I was very easily able to tell that it’s awful. I checked the remaining runtime approximately 30 times over the course of this torture and I’m pretty sure I blacked out briefly. I was both bored and annoyed throughout and visibly started squirming on my couch during the third act because of how much I wanted to do something, anything else with my time.

I like Dave Bautista. I think he can be very funny and charismatic and a surprisingly emotional actor. I am a big Kristen Schaal fan. I love Ken Jeong. I’m not very familiar with Chloe Coleman but she seems lovely. None of these people deserved the insult that is this movie. They are good people who did nothing wrong, yet this production feels like some sort of collective punishment. Perhaps the writers each had John Wick-level reasons for vengeance against the cast. Perhaps Jeff Bezos himself had a score to settle. There is no way to know, but there is a way to excuse yourself from this reputational bloodbath: you have a chance to turn away, to be free. It’s too late for me.

I can’t even begin to describe all of the reasons why I detest this film, so I’ll be brief. The writing is some of the worst I’ve ever heard, many of the special effects are laughably bad, there are few, if any, jokes, the plot makes no sense, and there aren’t any fun spy gadgets or antics to make up for all of that. It just feels like a waste of time. If you’re going to be bad, at least be entertaining. The level of negative content makes this unsuitable for young audiences, but the sheer horribleness makes it unsuitable for anyone of any age anyway. The Eternal City feels like an apt title, since watching this film felt like an eternity in purgatory.

Directed by Peter Segal. Starring Dave Bautista, Chloe Coleman, Kristen Schaal. Running time: 112 minutes. Theatrical release July 18, 2024. Updated

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My Spy: The Eternal City
Rating & Content Info

Why is My Spy: The Eternal City rated PG-13? My Spy: The Eternal City is rated PG-13 by the MPAA for violence/action, some strong language, suggestive references, teen drinking, and a nude sculpture.

Violence: There is action spy violence throughout. Characters fight hand-to-hand and use guns, knives, tasers, and spy gadgets. A person is injected with neurotoxin. Threats of torture and death are used against people.
Sexual Content:   There is some mild innuendo. Marble statues have visible male genitalia. Both teen and adult couples kiss.
Profanity: The script contains one sexual expletive, 17 mild and moderate expletives, and 18 terms of deity.
Alcohol / Drug Use: Teens sneak beer into a hotel room and drink it. One teen throws up from drinking too much.

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Home Video

Related home video titles:

This movie is a sequel to the unfortunately bad My Spy. Better spy movies for kids include Spy Kids, Agent Cody Banks, or Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker (for tweens). Well animated and highly entertaining, Spies in Disguise tells the tale of a secret agent who unintentionally turns into a pigeon – but he still has to save the world from a supervillain. Critters also save the world in G-Force, the live-action story of guinea pigs who help the FBI in covert activities.