My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 Parent Guide

Time has not been kind to the Portokalos family. Family patriarch Gus has died and his widow, Maria (Lainie Kazan), is struggling with dementia. Daughter Toula (Nia Vardalos) is burdened by a promise she made to her father that she would return to his home village in Greece and give his hand-written journal to his three childhood friends. Gus’s hometown is planning a reunion, so Toula and a gaggle of her relatives board a plane and fly off to the sun-drenched lands of the Aegean Sea.

Arriving in Athens, the Portokalos clan are met by an oddly young mayor (Melina Kotselou) and endure a ride in rickety truck to a strangely empty town. Then they learn the truth – the town is almost completely depopulated and the reunion is a stunt planned by the mayor to lure ex-residents back for a nostalgic visit. The few remaining villagers don’t know Gus’s old friends and Toula is distraught that she won’t be able to fulfil her father’s last wish. Luckily for her, her family members are resourceful…

When I watched the original My Big Fat Wedding in theaters in 2002, I smiled so much that my cheeks hurt and I laughed myself hoarse. (I come from a large, religious family so the jokes hit close to home.) Sadly, none of that movie’s comic DNA has been transmitted to this misbegotten sequel. It is rarely funny, is usually tedious, and is completely devoid of charm. Instead of being warmhearted, this vapid flick is simply emptyheaded.

There’s so much wrong with this movie that I’ll have to make an effort to focus on the main problems instead of nitpicking at every little awful detail. First, the plot doesn’t know where it’s going, and it doesn’t make sense. Why on earth would Gus give his journal to people he hasn’t seen for a half century instead of to his kids? Why aren’t Toula or any of her relatives smart enough to book rental cars or hotels before they arrive? Haven’t they heard of the internet? Why does Aunt Voula (Andreas Martin) hire Aristotle (Elias Kacavas) to “help” her with the journey when he apparently does nothing and the trip is an unplanned disaster? Is she really that desperate to play matchmaker with her niece? Second, using dementia as comic fodder isn’t funny. As anyone who has lost a relative to dementia can testify, it’s agonizingly painful to watch them lose their memories, their capacity, and their spark one piece at a time. When Maria can’t recognize Toula, that’s not a gag; it’s a tragedy.

In terms of negative content, there’s plenty of alcohol consumption and a smattering of terms of deity, but the real surprise is the nudity. The most unexpected scene takes place at a nude beach where only carefully placed objects keep the movie in the PG-13 zone. To be honest, what really grossed me out in this flick was Nick’s habit of grooming himself at the breakfast table – shaving, trimming ear hairs, and cutting his nails while his relatives are eating. It’s as icky as it sounds. Another unwelcome surprise is the creepiness of Nikki (Gia Carides), Toula’s bra-jiggling cousin. Two decades haven’t changed her attitude, but her make-up is so alarmingly overdone that she looks like a movie villain, some terrifying zombie seeking brains. She won’t find any in this film, but if she’s looking for more of the undead, there’s an entire cast of characters who certainly don’t feel alive.