Jewel of the Nile Parent Guide

After their adventures in Romancing the Stone, Joan Wilder (Kathleen Turner) and Jack Colton (Michael Douglas) are fulfilling their dream of sailing around the world. But after six months, the thrill is gone for Joan and she’s throwing her typewriter in the Mediterranean in frustration with a bad case of writer’s block. Her enthusiasm only rebounds when she meets Omar Khalifa (Spyros Fokas), a charismatic Arab leader who flatters her into coming to Africa to write his biography. He tells her that he alone can “unite the tribes of the Nile” and will be declared Emperor in four days. Joan and Jack argue, and she leaves on her African adventure. A petulant Jack remains behind, until a reunion with former partner-in-crime Ralph (Danny DeVito) and a quest for the Jewel of the Nile leads Jack into danger with Joan.

The Jewel of the Nile is such a bad film it’s hard to decide which parts to criticize first. This movie is clearly inspired by the Indiana Jones series but while those blockbuster hits had intriguing scripts, tight pacing, and a charismatic leading man, The Jewel of the Nile is zero for three. The story is so bad, so full of plot holes, so tediously unoriginal that it feels like someone took the elements of the Indiana Jones movies, ran them through a shredder, and glued random strips onto a sheet of paper and called it a script. It’s also excruciatingly slow, with action scenes that drag on and on and on. Even the scene of Jack stealing an airplane and fighting his way through town with it fails to generate any excitement. Other action set pieces are so long and so predictable they only elicit yawns.

The acting in this movie is far worse than I expected given the cast. Kathleen Turner, in her defense, really seems to be putting in an effort. But Danny DeVito is just phoning it in, acting on autopilot as he plays the annoying short guy we’ve seen umpteen times before. As for Michael Douglas, who is capable of so much more, this role is a huge disappointment. Instead of being a charismatic, devil-may-care leading man, Jack is a self-absorbed, whiny man-child. The other characters are worse, with predictable roles that are made even more irksome by the terrible casting. I know this film was made in the mid-1980s, but having Arab roles played by white actors in bad makeup is cringingly uncomfortable. And the treatment of African extras is even worse, with men covered in body paint and women performing ritual dances completely topless. The racism isn’t covert: these stereotypical portrayals are exacerbated by racist language, including moments where Arabs are described as “jujubes” and “towel heads”. Throughout the entire movie, intrepid white characters must save ignorant, violent brown people, who are simply seen as props and not real people. And don’t get me started on the movie’s sexism – Joan is constantly being rescued by men.

If you’re looking for an action film that you can watch with your brain in the “off” position, The Jewel of the Nile might work for you. It is certainly easier to watch if you aren’t thinking. But if you’re considering it for family viewing, I should warn you that its PG rating is generous and a PG-13 rating would be more appropriate. There is almost non-stop violence in this movie, with so much gunfire that it sounds like the percussion to the movie’s soundtrack. And while other content isn’t excessive for a PG-13 action film, that doesn’t mean this movie is a gem. With so many good action movies to choose from, watching The Jewel of the Nile feels like choosing a ring out of the Cracker Jack box.