How to Date Billy Walsh Parent Guide

Archie (Sebastian Croft) and Milly (Charithra Chandran) have been best friends since birth. They do everything together, share a lot of the same interests, and tell each other everything. Well, almost everything.

For years, Archie has tried to tell Milly that he loves her, but the words never seem to come. Now they’re in their final year of high school, and Archie is determined to tell her before they head off to uni. But just as he’s gathering his courage, a new American boy (Tanner Buchanan) shows up at school and Milly is immediately smitten. Faced with losing the love of his life, Archie decided to take drastic measures to keep Milly away from Billy.

I thought that we as a society had grown past teaching teens toxic myths about love and relationships. Not if this production has anything to say about it. The entire premise of the story revolves around Archie being possessive and toxic when it comes to Milly, not taking her feelings into account, and straight up humiliating her for his own selfish purposes. He is a bad friend and an even worse potential partner. What he does is unforgivable. Milly may have very little in the way of personality or a backbone, but she still deserves better. Hollywood writers are too cowardly to let a young woman end a rom-com single, even if that’s obviously the best outcome for her.

None of these issues are new to the genre (After series, anyone?), so you may think I’m being too harsh. I can forgive some toxicity if it’s wrapped up in camp and humor, but this production can’t even be bothered to offer either of those. I do not think I have ever sat through a film more cringeworthy than this. I felt a mixture of frustration, boredom, and disgust for the entire runtime, which felt like an eternity. I don’t use this phrase often, but this movie is hard to watch. It’s badly written, the tone shifts suddenly between scenes, every single character is unlikeable, and there are no jokes to speak of. Cringe is not funny, it’s just uncomfortable.

Even if this were the cleanest film I’ve ever seen, I still wouldn’t recommend it thanks to its atrocious overall quality and the toxic messages it imparts. My decision is easy since it falls squarely into an R rating with the large amounts of swearing, teen drinking, and sexual innuendo. I don’t know who this movie is for. Actual teenagers should not be watching it, and young adults will find it too cringe and immature to be worth their time. Please do yourself a favor and skip this film. It’s too late for me, but you can still save yourself.