Holmes and Watson Parent Guide

Sherlock Holmes, fictional super sleuth created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in 1891, was the detective in 60 best-selling mysteries. One would assume that a movie featuring Holmes would be as fascinating as the written exploits. Yet Holmes & Watson is not. Why? Follow the clues and deduce the reasons.

First clue: the script. This film tells the story of Sherlock Holmes (Will Ferrell) and his trusty friend (John C. Reilly), dedicated to solving the most difficult criminal cases. At a function at Buckingham Palace, Holmes cuts into a cake only to find a dead body and a warning that Queen Victoria (Pam Ferris) will be dead in four days unless he can apprehend the killer. Thus begins a quest marked more by luck than logic; in fact, Holmes is so witless one begins to wonder if he is actually a boon to law enforcement or an impediment to it. Viewers will almost certainly figure out whodunnit faster than does Holmes. The script is also marked by numerous attempts at comedy that repeatedly fall flat. There was only a smattering of laughter in the screening I attended. The sole saving grace of this script is that it is brief – the film is only 89 minutes long, but it feels much, much longer.

Second clue: the characters. It is always a challenge to recreate an iconic character on the big screen but Holmes & Watson fails miserably. Will Ferrell’s Holmes is arrogant – as he is in the books – but with little to be arrogant about. While the traditional Holmes character is a man capable of rigorous logic and careful deductions, Ferrell’s Sherlock is vain, obsessed with his public image, and prone to wild deductions without any basis in fact. These flaws make his near-fatal mistakes almost inevitable. Watson, too, falls short of his literary counterpart, failing in one scene to properly determine if a character is actually dead. The two characters are also confused about their feelings for each other, finally acknowledging their mutual attraction in a very strange musical number. (The song contains verses about a hanging, which is definitely off-putting.)

Third clue: negative content. Holmes & Watson’s positive spin on drug use, particularly cocaine and heroin, will upset parents, but the biggest concern in this production is its appalling and disturbing sexual content. Masturbation jokes are constant, running throughout the film from beginning to end. And both main characters have creepy love interests with women as well as definite homo-erotic feelings for one another. Watson meets an American doctor, Grace Hart (Rebecca Hall) with whom he becomes infatuated. He dreams about playing strip chess with her and the two share a kiss. The worst scene in the film involves an autopsy the two physicians conduct together. They caress the dead body while gazing steamily at each other, as Watson sensuously scoops whipping cream out of the corpse’s navel. After the autopsy they speak seductively about their skills with knives and flaying skin. This scene is stomach-churningly awful and I felt physically nauseated while watching it. At the same time, Holmes becomes aroused by Dr. Hart’s companion, Millie (Lauren Lapkus), a young woman raised by feral cats with the mental age of a four year old. Although all is not as it seems, these scenes remain unsettling.

With all these flaws, it doesn’t take extraordinary deductive skills to conclude that Holmes & Watson is a cinematic disaster which should be avoided by anyone looking for quality entertainment.