First Date Parent Guide

Mike (Tyson Brown) is a painfully shy teen, and when he finally manages to ask his crush, Kelsey (Shelby Duclos) on a date, he is desperate to make a good impression. He even goes online and finds a car he can afford so he can pick her up. But when he meets the seller, Dennis (Scott E. Noble) hustles him into a beat up old ’65 Chrysler. The car seems to run, though, and Mike sets off to pick Kelsey up. Between Dennis’ home and Kelsey’s, Mike learns a few things about the car. None of them are promising, and all of them involve dangerous criminals with a mysterious interest in the vehicle. It looks like date night is going to be a little more perilous than he expected…

Before I tell you anything else about this film, there’s a quick litmus test which will tell you right away if you’ll enjoy it or not. Are you ready? Here goes: Are you comfortable watching a film with 215 sexual expletives? If not, this is going to be a real tough sell. If, on the other hand, you’re a little more comfortable with some high-speed cussing, then you might actually like this movie.



I know, I know, it already sounds like a lot. Add that much profanity to some bloody gun violence and a mountain of cocaine, and this sounds like a retelling of Scarface. I promise it isn’t. First Date has a lot more heart than that, due almost solely to Tyson Brown and Shelby Duclos, both of whom are remarkably endearing in their roles as the unfortunate couple. Especially compared to a similar film, The Lovebirds, in which I spent the entire runtime praying that the protagonists would just get shot already so I could move on with my life.

First Date does require a certain willingness to ignore some blatantly stupid choices on the part of our teenage hero, but that’s kind of the point of teenagers. They may be interesting but they are not a demographic famed for their careful decision making skills. The comedy in this crime comedy comes from the fact that, in spite of his seeming witlessness, Mike is actually not the dumbest person on screen most of the time. There is also charm in to be found in the screwball nature of the plot, as all the different storylines coalesce in the third act into a chaotic finale. But the chaos is the point. As is, apparently, packing in an average of two f-bombs per minute. That clearly takes some skill. Too bad it’s misapplied.