Coffee & Kareem Parent Guide

Police Officer James Coffee (Ed Helms) seems to be on the right track. His career is going well, and he’s started dating Vanessa (Taraji P. Henson), for whom he realizes he might have serious feelings. The only hiccup is her son, Kareem (Terence Little Gardenhigh), who thoroughly disapproves of his mother dating a white cop. But as things start going downhill for Coffee at the police station, Kareem hatches a plan to teach Coffee a lesson for dating his mom. Unsurprisingly, this plan goes badly awry, and suddenly Coffee, Kareem, and Vanessa all find themselves pursued by the most dangerous drug dealers in Detroit, along with a shady group of corrupt cops…

I’m not sure who thought this was a good idea. The plot belongs in a kids’ movie, with a goofy premise and a “learn to get along with mom’s boyfriend” storyline, but the humor is about the raunchiest I’ve heard. What’s worse is that a lot of it comes from and is expressed around younger characters, which is just unpleasant to watch.

This is another comedy that forgot to be funny. I mean, if you find extreme profanity amusing, this is about the funniest movie I’ve ever seen. But if you want, say, a joke? Or some witty dialogue? You’re out of luck. I honestly can’t think of another movie I’ve seen that averages nearly 2 and a half “f-words” per minute and another 118 scatological curses for good measure. If that profanity doesn’t offend you, don’t worry, there’s plenty of sexual content that will. Characters of all ages use excessively graphic sexual language and there are detailed references to child sex abuse. Why on earth would anyone think this belongs in a comedy? Even one that is trying to be a drama crossover?

The cast isn’t terrible, but with that script, they never had much of a chance of being good. Betty Gilpin seems intent on being in my least favorite movies of the year, with this sad performance a follow up to her appearance in The Hunt as the abrasive Detective Watts. She was also in Stuber, which was almost as irritating as Coffee & Kareem. I’m not sure who her agent is, but she might want to consider burying them up to their neck in cement.

If you were still wondering, I don’t recommend this movie to anyone. Of any age. For any reason. The thing that really bothers me is that Netflix knows I watched and they’re going to try and recommend more of the same to me. My only hope is that, for the time being at least, I don’t think Netflix has anything else quite this bad to recommend.