The Skeleton’s Compass Parent Guide

Champ (Luke Loveless) is having a crummy summer. His dad’s inability to find work has forced the sale of their home and property which have been in the family for many generations. Upset at leaving his friends, Champ goes for a walk in the woods, only to discover a skeleton plus a compass and journal that promises to lead him to a fortune in gold. With the family home at risk, Champ and his friends need to find the gold in time to stop the sale.

I’ve learned a lot in my years as a film critic. One of the most important lessons is that if the writer and/or director has the same last name as the lead actor, it’s going to be a bad movie, and doubly so if said lead actor is a kid. The Skeleton’s Compass takes this rule a step further by having a producer share a last name with the writer and lead. Low budget nepotism productions are never good. Ever. Heed my warning.

This film has some of the worst writing I’ve ever been subjected to and that’s saying a lot. The dialogue is clunky, the plot just kind of happens, and the characters make inconceivably stupid choices at every turn. The entire script feels contrived and juvenile. The opening monologue from Champ feels like one of those “what I did this summer” speeches we all had to do in middle school, with the writing chops of a 12-year-old to boot. The message the writer tries to impart is fine: family is more important than gold. But it’s muddled and pretty much negates itself in the end (spoiler warning), since the gold solves all the problems and is used for good things, like saving for college and giving to charity.

On top of the subpar writing, this production is burdened with weird editing, strange musical choices, and a whole lot of bad acting. I was both bored and annoyed for the entire runtime. Although relatively light on negative content (aside from some gunshots and old-timey drinking) I can’t see most kids enjoying this. It’s too boring for the very young and too juvenile for the middle school crowd.

In case it wasn’t obvious, I recommend sitting this one out. This movie is the cinematic equivalent of an eyeroll.