Night Teeth Parent Guide

Benny (Jorge Ledenborg Jr.) is struggling through university and dreaming of being a full-time musician. He spends his time on his tunes but doesn’t think any of his work is “done”. Harsh reality intrudes: university is expensive and Benny’s private music habit doesn’t bring in any income. Hurting for cash, Benny convinces his brother Jay (Raul Castillo) to let him substitute for another driver at Jay’s chauffeur business. His clients are Zoe (Lucy Fry) and Blaire (Debby Ryan), two unusual young women who are making a number of stops around Los Angeles – until Benny walks in on them sucking the blood out of someone. Now more a hostage than a chauffeur, Benny’s going to be lucky to survive the night – and a tip is out of the question.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with the movie Collateral, but this is pretty much exactly the same story. Except instead of a dangerous hitman (played by Tom Cruise) and an ambitious cab driver (Jamie Foxx) roaming around L.A. in the wee hours of the morning, it’s two vampires and a nervous college student. But just about every other major plot point carries over. I’m not sure if this is laziness or coincidence, but either way, it’s not a good idea to remind me of a good movie during a mediocre one.

And mediocrity is about the most you can expect from this film – and you usually get a little bit less. Night Teeth isn’t the worst vampire movie I’ve seen this month (that dubious honor goes to Black as Night), but that doesn’t make it worth watching. Even if you haven’t seen Collateral, the story is lazy enough to be predictable. In fact, the entire purpose of this movie seems to be to use a surplus of pink lights that someone had laying around, since roughly 75% of the scenes are absolutely drenched in a harsh pink glow.

It’s also not really suitable for teenagers, despite Netflix’s TV-14 rating. By MPAA standards, this flick rates an “R” on profanity alone, and that’s before you get to the drinking, drug use, and of course, people getting the blood sucked out of them. There is mercifully little sexual content, but you’re still going to have to sit through some lazy puns about sucking blood. Frankly, I think I’d rather have all my blood removed than sit through this by-the-numbers attempt to cash in on the Halloween season.