Den of Thieves 2: Pantera Parent Guide

After Donnie Wilson (O’Shea Jackson Jr.) slipped past him, L.A County Sheriff detective Nick O’Brien was determined to track him down. Eventually, he found Donnie’s trail in Europe, where he had pulled off a meticulous diamond heist from an airplane before going on to a bigger job with a crew in Nice. What they’re planning is huge – nearly a billion dollars’ worth of diamonds from a secure diamond center. Nick, who’s no longer employed by the Sheriff’s Department, decides he wants in on the job. He’s got Donnie in a compromising position: so rather than having Nick haul him off to the French gendarmes, Donnie cuts him in on the deal – but will he ever be able to trust him?

This was not the sequel I was expecting to see – I’d already managed to forget the original existed, and I think just about everybody else did too. Everybody, that is, except screenwriter and director Christian Gudegast, who was also responsible for London has Fallen – another miss with reviewers, despite managing to remain comfortably profitable. This flick demonstrates the same flair for wasting two hours of my life in return for a mild headache and rather more of my money than I’d be willing to pay for the experience.

Since the characters have no development to bother with, the film starts out on its campaign to exhaust you with utterly inane sequences. The plot has less structure than wet toilet paper and half the appeal, simply disintegrating under even casual scrutiny – I don’t recommend paying much attention. Unfortunately, the film hasn’t left you anything else to focus on, unless you count the occasional scenic shot, or the teeth-grindingly irritating dialogue.

If you really want to simulate the experience of watching this movie, mix yourself up a nice tepid bowl of wallpaper paste sans seasonings and munch on that for a couple hours. I expect that’s cheaper than the price of a ticket, and probably less damaging to your gut than whatever the theatres are putting on popcorn instead of butter. Obviously, there’s a better option: Almost anything else. Any other activity. Any other movie. Even in the current climate of sequels, reboots, and remakes, this one was better left to obscurity.