Bullet Train Explosion Parent Guide

Kazuya Takaichi (Tsuyoshi Kusanagi) arrives at the train station for what he believes will be a normal day of work, conducting the Hayabusa No. 60 bullet train en route to Tokyo. There is no way he can predict what comes next: a few minutes after departure, Takaichi receives a call from the Control Center informing him of a bomb threat. The caller claims that the bomb aboard the train will explode if the train’s speed drops below 100km/h. While Takaichi works to keep the passengers calm, the Control Center scrambles to clear the train’s path and come up with a plan to save the passengers hurtling down the tracks.

Up until today I was unaware that the 1994 film Speed was partially based on the 1975 Japanese film The Bullet Train, of which Bullet Train Explosion is a reboot. You learn something new every day! Although the premise of this film might, at first glance, seem like a blatant rip off of Speed, really Speed is a blatant rip off of this franchise. Perversely, it feels as if the writers of this story chose to distance themselves as much as possible from their American competition by creating a movie that is as slow as humanly possible.

There is almost never a reason for a film to be over two hours long. In fact, I would argue that most films have no business being over 90 minutes. However, a well-made film can usually camouflage its length by immersing the viewer in the story and its world. A poorly made film does the opposite by making two hours feel like a lifetime, which is exactly what Bullet Train Explosion does. I lived an entire life in the time it took me to watch this movie. I’m pretty sure my son grew up and left home somewhere around Act Two. I wouldn’t mind the run time if it were exciting, but this script spends what feels like hours focused on government bureaucracy, logistical considerations, and exploring the chain of command within Japan’s rail system. If you’re into that, all power to you, but I am not.

Bullet Train Explosion is entirely too long, has too many characters, and is a boring slog. That said, the production values are great. The acting is fantastic, the camera work is professional, and the effects are well done. Too bad the writers and editors conspired against all the good work done by the cast and crew. Coupled with a fair amount of violence and language, this flick had no chance from the start. If you value your time, there are far better ways to spend it. You could write a novel or learn a language in the same amount of time – and then you’d have something to show for those irreplaceable two hours of your life.