Kull The Conqueror
This swashbuckling adventure offers more cleavage than the Grand Canyon, with dozens of lasses (both helpless and horrifying) vying for the attention of the gruff and grizzly men that romp through their kingdom. The most eligible bachelor is the new King Kull, who has been handed the reigns of rule by the outgoing chap who declares Kull as the new ruler with his dying breath. Kull had just finished killing him.
But members of the former ruler's family, like me, are not amused with this plot, and brew up an unusual plan to send Kull packing. They unearth a 3,000-year-old witch, who comes to life as a 19-year-old seductress. She is sent to spell Kull off from entertaining his harem, and magically convince him that she should be queen. But killing Kull is not her only plan. She used to rule this sorry kingdom three millennia ago, and wants to come out of retirement.
Sex, swords, and swearing sum this movie up. Many people are stabbed to death, and in the big special effects number, the 19-year-old beauty reveals her true identity as a 3D graphic monster living in an ever burning fire. Kull's ethics are interesting, too. He has no problems with premarital sex, but when examining the kingdom's eligible women, he complains that one woman who claims to be pure is lying. He should talk.
John Nicollea, the director of Kull The Conqueror, says in a quote promoting the movie that, "I wanted to make an action movie that my kids could see. I wanted to add a sense of humor to all the action. I think the characters in this story are the type that appeal to young people." When I screened Kull I wasn't laughing, and I don't think many other parents would see this as a funny family action movie either.
One thing Nicollea does say, however, holds great mounds of truth: "Because it is a film, the characters ... can do things that no one else does." I hope he's right on that account.